Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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