How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
