I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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