Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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