quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
