What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
