five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
