Will you blow on my dice?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
