I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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