i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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