all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
