Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
