i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
