i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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