I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
