I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
