I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
