Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
