Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
