Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
