I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
