Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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