No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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