We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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