Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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