I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
