The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
