So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
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