Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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