I think I died a long time ago.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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