I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
