Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
