Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
