That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
