Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
