My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
