I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
