i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You were trust falling into bushes
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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