I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I need to stop coming to work sober
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
