haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
