just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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