just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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