I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
