Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
