You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
