Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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