You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
