am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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