You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
