I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
