There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
