I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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