It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
