Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
