In the future we'll all be gay
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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